I was ready to hate this movie.  Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to get dragged out of a house for the midnight premiere, smuggle gas station Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids in, and settle down among this series already die-hard fan base (my small town theater had it showing on 5 different screens at midnight, and they were all packed to the brim).  But this was Summit Entertainment, the production company that stumbled on a goldmine with Twilight, but had still yet to make a good movie.  Eclipse was maybe the closest, but that’s like saying that Stephen Hawking is the best walker of a group containing him, Franklin Roosevelt, and Christopher Reeve, because unlike the other two, he’s still alive.

But they finally did it.  This movie is good…not great…but good.  Spoiler filled review time….cue the quote with SPOILERS slammed in their inappropriately…

“I’m sure the arena will be full of bags of SPOILERS for me to chuck at people.”

THE GOOD

NECKBRECKINGLY GOOD – My biggest problem with the Twilight books was that every battle happened off screen.  In the last book, when they actually got down to the point where they couldn’t have Bella just catch the sniffles or faint or be out for tea when the battle took place, they just didn’t have a battle.  It was underwhelming to say the least.  The films have done better at this (the third being the best) but since they don’t have an awful lot to work their still left showing that vampires do little more than hiss at each other when it comes down to fisticuffs.

When the first few deaths happened off camera, I was terrified that this movie would be pulling punches left and right to not scare away its tween audience.

I was wrong.  I was awesomely wrong.

It is actually a plus that they don’t show the deaths early in the film.  It makes the actual deaths more cringe-worthy and awesome.

WOULD PUT HIS NAME IN 1000 TIMES FOR A TWINKIE - Woody Harrelson was amazing in this.  I said after his first few frames that I wished the whole movie was about him (and I still kind of do).  He steals the show as the drunken mentor character to the two “star crossed lovers” (more on the idiot romance later) and has almost all the best lines in the movie (half of which are written and sent to the chick in little blinky ball things, but when I read them I heard Woody in my head dictating them in all his swagger).

AS POPULAR AS JOHN CARTER WASN’T - So many people tonight, it was crazy.  They were a huge, energetic crowd that clapped when the movie was over, cheered when it was appropriate, and balled their eyes out when sad things happened on screen.  A couple even answered some questions that my friend and I had after the film.  It’s a huge and incredibly nice fan-base.

I’m sure the backlash on these books is coming.  Soon it will no longer be “cool” to like them (which is fine with me, I haven’t been cool since being fat, having a beard, and being nerd was a thing…so like never).  But for now this is just great for the economy, the entertainment industry, and the book industry.  For those (like myself) who would like to work in some form of entertainment this is all great news.

THE BAD

RAMBO’S NOT HER NAME O - Although I respect the writing prowess it took to make every kill Katniss made passive or in self defense, it got really old after awhile.  They spent the first half of the movie telling me how much she has these Seal Team 6 assassination moves (especially effective against apples and bags holding apples precariously placed over explosives).  She is really kick ass, so kick ass that I wan’t to see First Blood type massacre of those less worthy than her, but instead she plays with wasps and sleeps in trees.  Even the final battle, where you just want her to shoot that D-Bag in the head so bad, it’s the dogs that really get him (not counting her mercy kill at the end).

THE “ROMANCE” – This is where this movie started to really fall apart for me.  I know I’m not the target audience.  I know that, even if this was well written and directed, they couldn’t make me care about the silly love triangle (one supposedly fills the alpha male paradigm, but couldn’t be bothered to co-volunteer, the other tells jokes and audiences like him…oh and he’s strong I guess…..but not as strong as Alpha Male Guy).  It’s silly and stupid.  Sadly it is the reason 90% of people will see this movie.  But it is BEYOND dumb.

They do hint, however, that the relationship between angle A and angle B might be fake for the TV audiences.  I can’t imagine they are going this direction, but I really wish they would have.  It would establish this world as a dark world with dark consequences that you have to sacrifice some moral integrity to survive.

THE UGLY

SHAKY CAM - What are we, a flurry ( ice cream joke((a bad ice cream joke)) )?  The camera is all over the place so much I”m surprised JJ Abrams didn’t make this.  Some of it is almost unwatchable.   I was there at the theater, but I felt like I was watching a bootleg recorded off the screen by some guy with Parkinson’s.

FINAL THOUGHTS

People should see this movie.  It’s pretty darn good.  I don’t know if it was “see at midnight” good for me personally, but it’s a good flick to fill your time before Avengers comes out.

It’s Back!  Walking Dead is back!  I do have to say, I’m a little nervous about this show since the firing of the genius Frank Darabont.  For every genius move AMC makes, they seem to make one equally stupid, and last night’s season 2 opener does nothing but make AMC look like garbage.  It’s maybe the best episode yet of the series, and it has the guy they fired’s fingerprints all over it.

But for now, we can rejoice in the last influences of Darabont in this spoiler filled review of the season opener “What Lies Ahead.”

“What kind of Spoilers?” “Only one way to find out.”

THE GOOD

THE FIRST HALF HOUR – The first half hour was commercial free, and some of the best television storytelling I have ever seen.  What this show does really ridiculously well is build anticipation. I watched the first half hour without going to get a beer, checking my iPod, or anything.  My eyes were glued, convinced that the next car they opened would a stereotypical startle (the kind the American horror film is sadly riddled with) but with each non-threat my anticipation heightened.  When we finally saw zombies, they were a slow oncoming mass…a force of nature.  When all of our heroes climbed under the cars and….oh God…there is still one in the Winnebago!  I forgot all about her!  Oh my god she doesn’t know!  She’s just sitting there trying to reassemble her gun!

That particular shot was one of the scariest things I have ever seen.  Frank Darabont is a brilliant visual storyteller.  Sometimes I’d like to punch AMC in the face.

ZOMBIE INNARDS – “What kind of flesh?” “Only one way to find out.” God, cutting open a zombie stomach to see if he ate the little girl is the coolest/grossest thing since they covered themselves in Guts in the second episode to sneak by the zombies.  The fact that this show uses such great practical effects in a world of CG is part of what makes it not only one of the best shows on television, but one of the best visual stories all in all.  The majority of that moment is sold though on Rick Grime’s face.  His looking like he wanted to throw up was so convincing that I felt the same way.

ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT’S ME, ZOMBIES – The ending cliffhanger was great, but greater still for the way it conveyed where God stands in the world of The Walking Dead. So much great symbolism and social commentary.  First, when they enter the church and zombies are sitting in the pews ( a metaphor for the luke warm church body if I’ve ever seen one) and the various members pleading to God.  Rick Grimes plea for God to just “Show him a sign” is so passionate, that you are completely sold on the concept when the deer appears.  I was honestly waiting for the deer to lead them to the lost little girl…and as crazy of a deus ex machina as that would be, I was completely okay with that.  Then the “sign from God” and Carl got shot.  Sorry, Rick, looks like you’re on your own.

THE BAD

T-DOG MIGHT BE THAT CHEERLEADER FROM HEROES - What was with them giving T-Dog that huge injury and then just showing it all bandaged up and him all hunky-dory later?  That was a big cut with a heck of a lot of blood.  How good is there medical equipment and abilities?  Is there risk of infection?  Why the hell did they spend so much camera time on it if it wasn’t important?

THE UGLY

FRANK DARABONT BEING FIRED - Seriously.  That was some of the best TV I’ve ever seen.  You broke records last night with how many people watched.  Reward your creative people AMC and stop being dicks.  I hope not, for your sakes, but for the audiences, that the show can be half as good without him.

It’s the…wait for it…Twentieth episode of Nerd Comic Rising.  We’ve interviewed some steller comedians on this show (well, at least I have, but I like to think you participated) but none quite like Ricarlo Flanigan, star of “My Big Black Podcast” and comedian extrordinaire.  Listen as we talk growing up in Religion, Racial Tensions, and he sends my white guilt through the roof!  Check out more great content at JeffreyConolly.com or email feedback to ncrpodcast@gmail.com

It’s podcast XIX!  And this episode is with the ever amazing Allyson Hood.  We argue about Star Trek, talk about the wonders of marriage, and discuss the realities of being a female comedian. Check out more great content at JeffreyConolly.com or email feedback to ncrpodcast@gmail.com

Doctor Who is back!  It’s a good thing too, since I was starting to go through serious withdraws.  The 8000 episodes of Star Trek added to Netflix helped the pain a bit, but it was still a long summer.  So did Let’s Kill Hitler deliver?  In a word: yes.  In two words: F&$* yes!  In three words: Yes and No.

Confused?  Me too. Although I think this is my second favorite episode this season ( the first being The Doctor’s Wife )  it took several watchings to get me to that conclusion.  At first I was just spent by the whole thing emotionally.  I bought every red herring hook, line, and sinker, and because of that I couldn’t properly gauge how I felt till at least watch-through number 2.

At any rate, look below for my spoil-filled review.

“You named your Spoilers after your Spoilers.”

THE GOOD

* HITLER IN A CUPBOARD - Although many people cheered and giggled at the announced title “Let’s Kill Hitler” when it appeared in epic bravado at the end of Episode 7 I cringed.  I held out hope that the follow up to AGMGTW would be more River/Melody focused, and when the first 10 minutes of this episode seemed to be a standard historical romp with robot Nazi justice soldier I cringed even more.  Then Hitler got put in a cupboard, Mels was revealed to be Melody (how did I not see that coming?), and the whole episode become beyond what I was looking for.

* Melody/River – I read somewhere that Russel T. Davies, who got the honor of casting River for her first appearance in the 4th season, originally wanted to cash in a favor to cast Kate Winslet in the part.  I doubt the Oscar Winning Winslet would have ever returned had she been cast, and I wonder what the show would even look like now had that been the case.  Alex Kingston was brilliant in this episode.  It sort of reminded me of watching Buffy the Vampire after Angel lost his soul.  We are forced to watch one of our favorite characters as evil, but unlike evil Angel, Melody/River has a certain innocence that comes with the sociopathic tenancies.  Plus, she has the greatest line I think I’ve ever heard on Doctor Who “Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought, “Gosh, the Third Reich’s a bit rubbish. I think I’ll kill the Fuhrer.” Who’s with me?”

* ANTIBODYS – It’s hard not to like an entity that kills you so politely.  ”Your death will now be implemented.  Please enjoy the music while you death party is being reached…”

* TIED UP LIKE A BOW – We get to find out why River didn’t regenerate when she dies in the library.  We get to see her first given the diary by the doctor.  We get to (I think) see where she hears the Doctor’s name (if that is what he whispers to her as he is dying.  We even get the first ever “Hello Sweetie!”

THE BAD

* CONFUSING EMOTIONS - So I am confused, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way.  I still want Rory and Amy to get their baby back.  It’s really weird to see Rory and Amy doing so well after there baby was kidnapped so traumatically in AGMGTW, and I hope as we go back into standalone episodes next week that it isn’t just brushed under the rug.  At the same time, do I really want them to find the baby?  Because if they do then the River Song we know and love might never have existed, Mels wouldn’t have pushed Amy and Rory together, or given them the name to name herself.  Again, it is confusing.

THE UGLY

It took the Super Justice Robot Squad that long to check there instruments and find out they were in the wrong year?  This seems pretty careless seeing as they had already spent a lot of time and resources killing a dude and assuming his identity.  I guess I shouldn’t expect much of the group that thought it was a good idea to make a security system that would kill them if they forgot to wear their WWJD bracelets, but someone is paying a lot of dough for this.  Transformers can’t be cheap.  Otherwise, we’d all have our own Optimus Prime.

BOLD PREDICTIONS

* You Accept and Know this to be true? So Silence will fall when the big, bold, first question will be asked.  The question is said to be in plain sight.  So our big question is what is that question?  Moffat likes to mess with mistaken dialogue a lot.  It’s not outside the realm of possibility that when Robot Amy confronts River/Melody by saying “You killed the Doctor by order of the Silence, the Academy of the Question.  You accept and know this to be true?” That it actually meant “the Academy of the Question: You accept and know this to be true?” As in You accept and know this to be true is the question in question, and the “this” refers to all of life.

FINAL SUMMARY

This was River’s episode, and after I knew that, I loved it.  When the red car came darting through the corn field I expected River to come out.  I was surprised when she didn’t, then surprised when I found out that she really did.  We had a lot explained, and next week we get to some creepy stand alone romps, which honest-to-science I am kind of glad for.  I have some plot fatigue.